Found Theater: Richard Holbrooke’s Last Words

Richard Holbrooke in Afghanistan, 2009

REPORTER: Attention. Attention please. Richard Holbrooke is dead.

(silence)

REPORTER (Washington Post): As Mr. Holbrooke was sedated for surgery, family members said, his final words were to his Pakistani surgeon: “You’ve got to stop this war in Afghanistan.”

REPORTER 2 (NY Daily News):  Richard Holbrooke spent his last breaths pleading for an end to the U.S’s nine year campaign in Afghanistan–

REPORTER 3 (Foreign Policy):  Did he oppose the war? Was he–Holbrooke the dove?

REPORTER 4 (New York Post): HOLBROOKE: DEATHBED PEACE PLEA!

SPOKESMAN, STATE DEPARTMENT:  Oh, fuck.

REPORTER 5 (The Spectator): The “you” refers to Pakistan! The New York surgeon operating on his heart was born in Pakistan! And everyone agrees that Afghanistan can’t be “solved” without Pakistan!

SPOKESMAN, STATE DEPARTMENT: Excuse me, gentlemen? It was a joke. Ha-ha.